Crash Read online

  Crash

  Lesley Choyce

  Copyright © 2013 Lesley Choyce

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced

  or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including

  photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now

  known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Choyce, Lesley, 1951-

  Crash [electronic resource] / Lesley Choyce.

  (Orca soundings)

  Electronic monograph.

  Issued also in print format.

  ISBN 978-1-4598-0523-1 (PDF).--ISBN 978-1-4598-0524-8 (EPUB)

  I. Title. II. Series: Orca soundings (Online)

  PS8555.H668C73 2013 jC813’.54 C2013-901924-3

  First published in the United States, 2013

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2013935382

  Summary: Cameron thinks he can survive anything on willpower alone.

  Not this time.

  Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing

  programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada through

  the Canada Book Fund and the Canada Council for the Arts,

  and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council

  and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.

  Cover image by Getty Images

  ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS

  PO Box 5626, Stn. B PO Box 468

  Victoria, BC Canada Custer, WA USA

  V8R 6S4 98240-0468

  www.orcabook.com

  16 15 14 13 • 4 3 2 1

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter One

  It just hit me. I was at the New Year’s Eve party at Brian’s house. At first my plan was to get loaded. The usual. It had been quite the year. Busted for stealing a car, almost caught making a drug delivery for a dealer, and maybe a few more bad moves on my part. I guess I hadn’t found my focus yet, my path. I liked living on the edge a bit, and one thing kept leading to another.

  But there I was at Brian’s, feeling oddly out of place, watching everyone else having a good time.

  And suddenly it felt all wrong.

  I turned sixteen three days ago. Nobody likes having a birthday right after Christmas, but then, this Christmas had not been anything special. Some kind of new weirdness going on between my mom and dad, and things had been a bit tense ever since my dad lost his job. It seemed like no one cared about my birthday. Me included. I found myself staring into the mirror, wondering who was looking back at me. After that I just had this weird feeling in my gut. I felt unsettled. I was about to freak, I thought. I was about to do something really stupid.

  And New Year’s Eve at Brian’s was probably where it would happen.

  But instead of me freaking out, something different happened.

  I had only had one beer. Everyone else was way ahead of me. They were all laughing and having a great time. But I set the beer down and took a deep breath.

  And suddenly everything became clear.

  I knew who that person in the mirror was. It was the old me. And the old me wasn’t what I wanted. I swear I’d never made a New Year’s resolution in my life. I just knew that this was the year I was going to turn it around. I was going to get my shit together. No more messing around. No more talking. No more lies. No, this was not one of those half-assed New Year’s resolutions. This was the real thing.

  I suddenly felt clear-headed and weirdly happy.

  So I walked out of there and down the dark, cold street, sucking in sweet, clean winter air. I don’t think anyone even noticed me leaving.

  When I got home, no one was there. No one but my dog, Ozzie. Part Lab and part German shepherd, Ozzie was a good old dog. Always happy to see me. Always there for me. I tucked into bed with Ozzie sleeping beside me on the floor.

  I fell asleep focused on a new beginning.

  Chapter Two

  I had a good night’s sleep, but nothing could have prepared me for what came next. I think it was about eight o’clock when my dad knocked on my door.

  “Come on in,” I said.

  He walked in and sat down on the side of my bed. He looked like something was bugging him. I thought maybe I was about to get a lecture for something I had done, so I decided to tell him about the night before. “I have some stuff I want to share with you,” I said.

  He held up his hand. “Not now, Cameron. I’ve got some of my own stuff I’ve got to tell you.” Man, he looked serious. I was thinking, Oh shit, what’s this about?

  He couldn’t look me in the eye. He just bent down and started petting Ozzie. “Cameron, you know things haven’t been so good around here with me out of work. And your mother and I have been having our problems.”

  I was feeling a little scared then. “Yeah, well, so that’s nothing new. Things will smooth out.”

  He shook his head. “No, they won’t. I’m going crazy around here. I’ve decided I’m going to head out west and get work. It’s what I have to do.”

  I felt like someone had smacked me in the face. “When are you going?”

  “Today,” he said. “Now.”

  “Dad, you can’t just do that.”

  “I’m sorry, Cam. I’ll call you from out west.” He stood up, leaned over me and gave me a hug like he used to when I was a little kid. And then he left my room. Ozzie knew something was wrong, and he hopped up onto my bed.

  I heard the front door open and close, and then I heard the car start. And then, I guess, he was gone.

  I don’t know how long I lay there in shock, thinking this was something that happened to other kids but not to me. If I had known what was coming next, I don’t think I would have gotten out of bed that day.

  But eventually I did.

  Downstairs, my mom was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hand.

  “Cameron, we need to talk,” she said.

  I let Ozzie outside and then sat down across from her. I suddenly had a flashback to the party the night before, and I was thinking now that maybe I should have stayed and gotten really wasted. “Dad’s gone. I know,” I said.

  She nodded. “It’s my fault,” she said.

  “What do you mean? I know things have been tough since he lost his job.”

  “It’s not just that.”

  “Then what?”

  “Things haven’t been the same in the last year. And I’m sorry, but I haven’t been exactly honest with you. I’ve been seeing someone else.”

  “What? Who?” I couldn’t believe my mother was saying this.

  She took a sip of her coffee. “Nick.”

  That was my second slap in the face that morning. “Nick? Nick’s an asshole.” Nick was my father’s friend. I’d always thought he was one of the biggest bullshitters I’d ever met. This couldn’t be real.

  “I’m sorry. It just happened. I didn’t mean for things to go this way.”

  Ozzie was scratching at the door, and I got up to let him in.

  “I think Nick is the real thing,” she continued. “I think this is finally my chance to be happy.”

  I want
ed to scream out every obscene word I could think of, but my brain grabbed on to that odd word—happy. Wasn’t that what my revelation was about last night? I was going to clean up my act and learn how to be happy? And now this crap.

  “Now that your father’s gone…”

  I cut her off. “Is that why he left? Because of you and Asshole Nick?”

  She didn’t answer me. “Now that your father’s gone, I won’t be able to keep up the rent on this house. Besides, there are too many memories here. I need a new start. We need to go someplace else.”

  “Where?”

  She couldn’t look at me. “Nick says he wants me to move in with him. You can come too, of course.”

  I shook my head. “This is insane.”

  “No, Nick said you could have the whole basement to yourself.”

  The nightmare continued. I looked down at Oz. He gave me his paw. I knew I couldn’t move in with Nick, and then I remembered something else. “Nick hates dogs.”

  My mom shrugged. “Yeah. I guess we’ll have to find another home for Ozzie. We can work this out.” And then, more confidently, she said, “We can make this work. I know we can.”

  “This is all bull,” I said. I grabbed my coat and walked out into the cold, bright day with Ozzie trailing behind me.

  “Welcome to the new year,” I said to no one as I walked out to the street, my breath puffing small angry clouds into the morning air.

  Chapter Three

  It was one of those nasty cold winter mornings. The sun was out, but it was way below freezing. Ozzie was happy to be tagging along, sniffing at every tree and post and peeing on everything he sniffed. I didn’t need to keep Oz on a leash. He was well trained. He was a good dog. And I wasn’t going to give him up.

  I wasn’t dressed warmly enough, but I didn’t want to go back into the house to get gloves or a heavier coat. I cursed my cheating mother and my runaway father. I didn’t know who to blame most. I thought maybe my mom. She and stupid-ass Nick. Maybe that was really why my father had left.

  I thought about my decision the night before to clean up my act. That lightning bolt from out of nowhere. Who was I kidding? Right now if someone were to offer me a drink or a toke, I’d gladly take them up on it. Forget about getting clean. Just stay stoned.

  We were in the park now, and the voices inside my head were still screaming. This just couldn’t be happening to me. At first I thought the park was empty. The whole town was probably at home nursing hangovers. Everyone but me. Then Ozzie spotted something tucked between two bushes, and he loped over to check it out. I followed him.

  It was a pup tent dusted lightly with snow from the previous night. A pup tent? Who the hell would be camping out here in the middle of winter? Something moved inside. Ozzie barked. And he usually wasn’t much of a barker.

  From inside a girl’s voice said, “Leave me alone.”

  Ozzie barked more loudly, but I muzzled him with my chilly hands. “Be good.”

  I watched as the zipper on the tent slowly opened. A hand popped out first and then a head. Long straggly hair and the frightened face of girl. Real frightened. “Leave me alone,” she repeated. She looked at me and then stared at Ozzie.

  “Ozzie won’t hurt you,” I said. But she wasn’t convinced. She popped back into the tent. Then she unzipped it all the way and jumped out. She was wearing a man’s winter coat. Whoever this girl was, I was thinking, she must be crazy. Maybe totally flipped out on drugs. She turned her back to me and started to hastily knock down the tent.

  “Just stay back,” she said, brushing the snow off the flimsy tent. She stuffed it into one of those big rolling suitcases.

  “Hey, I’m sorry,” I said. “Look, I’m not the police or anything. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was just out walking. Ozzie got curious.”

  The whole tent was in her suitcase. Like she’d done this manic breaking camp before. “What are you doing sleeping out here, anyway?” I asked.

  She looked me in the eye for the first time. I could still read the fear. But I couldn’t help noticing her green eyes. How pretty they were. “It was just a dare,” she said. “I was just camping.”

  “Wow,” I said. “I guess you won that bet.”

  She started to walk away, towing that suitcase behind her. “Wait,” I said, following her. I really wanted the whole story. I wanted to know about the girl who camped out in January in the freezing cold, all alone.

  “Leave me alone,” she said. And there was no denying that she meant it. You could tell she’d said it to others many times before.

  For some reason, I felt like I needed to talk to this weird, crazy girl more than anything else on this crazy first day of the year. I tapped Ozzie. He understood. He pranced toward the girl and nuzzled her hand. At first she waved him off, but then he did it a second time. She petted him this time but still kept walking. I was following behind, and I watched as Ozzie gently bumped into her with his nose.

  The girl stopped. She petted him. I hung back for a second. Then I cleared my throat and spoke. “It’s friggin’ cold out here. I don’t live far away. Why don’t you come back with me and warm up for a bit?”

  She continued to pet Ozzie but didn’t look up.

  “I’ll cook you breakfast,” I said. “I suck at cooking, but I can do eggs.”

  She shook her head.

  “Hey,” I said. “I don’t know who you are, but you look really cold. I’m freezing my ass here too, and I don’t even want to go home. You wanna hear about my morning? I wake up, and my father says he’s moving away to find work. Then my mom tells me she’s about to shack up with one of my dad’s old buddies, who is a certified scumbag.” I paused and took a swallow of that cold, hard air. “So do you want to walk away, or do you want to come join me in my nightmare?”

  I guess it was the way I delivered that last line that brought her around. She looked at me with those green eyes again. And she let slip a hint of a smile.

  Chapter Four

  I didn’t know what I was going to say to my mom. But I really didn’t care what she thought. We walked slowly against a cold north wind, Ozzie prancing beside us. I tried to help the girl with her suitcase, but she tugged it back.

  My mom’s car was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief. On the kitchen table was a note. Gone to Nick’s. Will call you later. Everything will work out okay. I promise. Love, Mom. I showed it to the girl. She read it, and I saw a look of sadness come over her face. Then I crumpled up the note and threw it across the room.

  “I’m Cameron,” I said. “You’ve already met Ozzie. Welcome to my humble abode.” I don’t know where that line came from.

  She pulled her hood down. “I’m Mackenzie. Some people call me Mac.” The name Mac didn’t fit her at all. Her cheeks were red from the cold. Mine probably were too. Her hair was long and tangled. I was beginning to think it wasn’t just her eyes that were pretty. The girl was cute. She took off the big winter coat, and I saw she had another jacket and a hoodie on under it. It was definitely the layered look. “Got any coffee?” she blurted out suddenly.

  I laughed. “Sure.” I boiled some water and made her a cup of instant coffee. She watched intently but didn’t say a word. Then she seemed to relax. And suddenly the world didn’t seem to be such a hateful place.

  I tried asking her about herself but mostly got one-word answers. It was clear that she’d had a rough life. She didn’t come out and say it, but I was getting the feeling that she was on her own. Really on her own. I scrambled some eggs, burned some toast and made more coffee. She ate like a horse and drank three cups of coffee.

  I could tell she was happy to be inside and warm, and I tried to make her feel at home. After she’d finished eating, she fed some scraps of toast and bits of egg to Ozzie and then just sat with him on the kitchen floor. I’d often said Ozzie was a bit of a babe magnet, but this was different. I really didn’t know what to make of her. But then, my life was down the toilet, so all I could think was that it was great to have
some company.

  Sometime around noon, I heard a vehicle pull up. It was Nick’s big-ass truck. Mackenzie stood up as if she was about to run, but I told her to stay put.

  You can picture the scene. Mom and Nick walked in, saw the girl with the long tangled hair. Ozzie growled at Nick. Mom growled at me.

  Against my protests, Mackenzie slowly put on her coats and inched her suitcase toward the door while Nick stared at her like he was looking at a criminal. My mom was going off on a tirade about not being able to “trust” me, which seemed kind of screwy, considering what she had been up to. I told her so. Nick tried to wade into it, and I told him to shut up.

  “I’ll just wait outside,” Mac said politely.

  “Don’t go anywhere,” I said. “Please.”

  She smiled. “I won’t,” she said. I could understand why she didn’t want to be part of our family dispute, and it was just as well that she left, because I started sharing my disrespectful thoughts about Nick and my mom. It was not the most polite conversation. It was clear that my mom had come back for some of her things and was going to be staying with Nick.

  “Cameron,” Nick said, trying to contain himself. “If you’re going to be living at my house, you’ll have to be more respectful to your mother.”

  It wasn’t exactly a warm invitation. And it wasn’t anything I wanted to hear, anyway. “Bite me,” I told him in a cool, level voice.

  And then it was over. My mom was crying, and Nick was trying to hold his temper, and then they were back in his truck and driving off.

  When I went outside to get Mackenzie, she was nowhere to be found. I had no idea where to find her, and I felt more alone than ever.

  I went back in and sat on the kitchen floor where Mackenzie had been sitting. I leaned over and hugged Ozzie. Then I fell into some kind of black hole. I didn’t see anything in the days ahead worth living for. Living with Nick? No way. Going back to school? Bleak and boring. I guess I sat there on the floor for a long time. And then I was pissed off at myself. Mostly for letting the girl walk out of my house and losing her.